Breaking Free from Guilt About Your Feelings: How to Accept Your Emotions

The guilt and shame we feel about our own emotions can be as heavy a burden as the emotions themselves. How many times have you caught yourself thinking “I shouldn’t feel this way”? In this article, we’ll explore why we feel guilty about our emotions and how we can learn to accept them with compassion and understanding.

The Family Myths That Shaped Our Emotions

From childhood, we receive messages about which emotions are “acceptable” and which we should suppress. Do you remember hearing phrases like:

• “If you cry, then you’re weak”
• “Don’t be sad, other children have worse problems”
• “Stop worrying, it’s not a big deal”
• “Get over it, you need to grow up”

These messages, even when said with good intentions, end up invalidating our feelings and creating the idea that some emotions are morally wrong. The result? An extra layer of suffering on top of emotions that are already difficult.

Why We Judge Our Own Emotions

Many people believe there are “good” and “bad” emotions. It’s as if feeling jealousy, envy, or anger were a moral failure: “I feel envy, envy is bad, therefore I am a bad person.”

But we don’t apply this same logic to physical conditions: “I have asthma, asthma is bad, therefore I am a bad person.” Why do we do this with our emotions?

The Confusion Between Feeling and Acting

One of the biggest misconceptions is confusing having an emotion with acting on it:

Having a feeling (e.g., anger) is not the same as acting on it (e.g., being hostile).

In fact, recognizing your feelings can give you more control over your actions, not less. When you accept that you’re angry, you can consciously choose not to act with hostility.

The Consequences of Guilt and Shame About Your Emotions

When you judge yourself for your feelings, certain things begin to happen:

1. You feel worse – Adding guilt and shame to emotions that are already difficult
2. You ruminate about emotions – “What’s wrong with me for feeling this way?”
3. You hide your feelings – And start thinking “I must be the only person who feels this way”
4. You focus excessively on negative feelings – And conclude that you’re full of them

This cycle can lead to increased anxiety and depression, making it even more difficult to deal with the original emotions.

The Double Standard We Apply to Ourselves

Have you noticed how we can understand and accept that other people have certain emotions, but criticize ourselves when we feel the same?

We often hold ourselves to much higher standards than those we apply to others. This is unfair and only increases our guilt and shame.

How to Accept Your Feelings Without Judgment

Imagine how liberating it would be to simply observe and accept your emotions, without judging them? Here are some techniques that can help:

1. Notice the emotion

Acknowledge what you’re feeling in the moment. “I’m feeling envious right now.”

2. Name the emotion

Giving a name to what you feel helps create distance and perspective.

3. Accept that the emotion is present

Don’t fight against it or try to deny it. The emotion simply is.

4. Remember you’re not alone

Other people have these feelings too – they are part of the universal human experience.

5. Separate feeling from acting

Having an emotion doesn’t mean you need to act based on it.

6. Practice self-compassion

Be gentle with yourself for having difficulties with these feelings.

Controlling Behaviors, Not Emotions

Many believe they need to feel guilty about their feelings to avoid acting on them. The truth is that this confuses our internal experiences with our behaviors.

Think about when you’re on a diet: recognizing your desire for a piece of chocolate cake doesn’t mean you’re going to eat it. In fact, being aware of this desire allows you to make more informed choices.

Interestingly, feeling guilty about desires doesn’t increase your control – on the contrary, it can diminish it. Guilt generates anxiety, which in turn can lead to impulsive behaviors as a form of emotional relief.

Conclusion: Your Emotions Are Just Emotions

Your emotions don’t define who you are or your worth as a person. They are temporary experiences, waves that rise and fall. By practicing non-judgmental acceptance of your emotions, you can create a healthier relationship with yourself and others.

Are you ready to start freeing yourself from guilt about your feelings? Start today by noticing a difficult emotion, naming it, and remembering: having an emotion isn’t wrong – it’s simply part of being human.

Would you like to learn more about developing a healthy relationship with your emotions? Contact our mental health experts and discover how therapy can help you on this journey of self-knowledge.

REFERENCES

LEAHY, Robert L. Don’t Believe Everything You Feel: Identify Your Emotional Schemas and Free Yourself from Anxiety and Depression. Artmed Editora, 2020.